Feeling tough.

The last few days have been difficult. I feel my breathing is more labored when walking. For those of you with lung problems, you know what it feels like. It's very scary and then I begin to panic. When I'm in panic mode breathing becomes even more difficult. I have to sit down halfway up the stairs for a break. It's almost like my breathing is a team of runaway horses and it is so hard to catch up and gain control again. I phoned the Cancer Clinic to set up some home oxygen and I'm waiting for them to call me back (my Social Worker is on vacation).

There are other emotions too, crying easily, impatient, anxiety, and extreme fatigue. All feelings I've been told are common with chemo. You think about quality of life and how millions of people have gone through the same process, wondering how they did it. Because when you're in the middle of it yourself, it almost feels impossible. A simple walk from the bed to the bathroom to get my medication feels like miles. At least I'm able to rest whenever I need to. Sometimes I feel like I've slept for hours, then look at the clock and see it's only been 30 minutes. It makes the days feel long. I've been alone the past 2 days during the day. Justin goes to the sitter (Corrine Melnychuk) and even though he hasn't been there since December, he loves it. I wasn't too excited about being by myself, but somehow I get through. Cheryl stopped by yesterday t0 check in on me and today Yvonne Archer stopped by for a visit (fellow RN from Broadview). Simple things like setting up a tube feed, or taking medications on time feels like homework, but they have to be done.

Wed night I was happy to get a visit from Shawnee Kay, another fellow Broadview RN. I have to thank her and Yvonne for stopping by, even for a short visit. They both have such crazy senses of humor and big hearts. I never feel "up" for company, but when they get here, I don't want them to leave. The support I've received helps so much and is invaluable.

Vince, your message got through (and your mom's). I can't believe I had such power over you as a 5 year old to convince you to pretend we were married. You, Elita, and your mom have always felt like family to me and I'm pleased to hear all is well.

I've been receiving your emails and love hearing from you all. Take care and God Bless!